Thursday, November 24, 2016

The Cliff's Notes Bible

The "Cliff's notes" version of the entire Bible:

GENESIS
God: "All right, you two, don't do the one thing. Other than that, have fun."
Adam & Eve: "Okay."
Satan: "You ssssssshould do the thing."
Adam & Eve: "Okay."
God: "What happened!?"
Adam & Eve: "We did the thing."
God: "Guys..."

THE REST OF THE OLD TESTAMENT
God: "You are my people, and you should not do the things."
People: "We won't do the things."
God: "Good."
People: "We did the things."
God: "Guys..."

THE GOSPELS
Jesus: "I am the Son of God, and even though you have done the things, the Father and I still love you and want you to live. Don't do the things anymore."
Healed people:" Okay! Thank you!"
Other people: "We've never seen him do the things, but he probably does the things when no one is looking."
Jesus: "I have never done the things."
Other people: "We're going to put you on trial for doing the things."
Pilate: "Did you do the things?"
Jesus: No.
Pilate: "He didn't do the things."
Other people: "Kill him anyway."
Pilate: "Okay."
Jesus: "Guys..."

PAUL'S LETTERS PART I
People: "We did the things."
Paul: "Jesus still loves you, and because you love Him, you have to stop doing the things."
People: "Okay."

PAUL'S LETTERS PART II
People: "We did the things again."
Paul: "Guys..."

REVELATION
John: "When Jesus comes back, there will be no more people who do the things. In the meantime....STOP DOING THE THINGS!!!"

THE END