When You Feel God Has Abandoned You

I recommend Amy Simpson's writing on mental illness from a Christian perspective. She knows what she is talking about. See Q&A: If you feel God Has Abandoned You.

I receive a lot of inquiries from people asking for advice about living with mental illness, loving someone with a mental disorder, and doing ministry to people with mental illness and their families. I can’t offer the kind of advice and help a mental health professional can give, but I can point people in the direction of resources that might help them. Sometimes it’s a matter of just introducing people to resources that are available. Sometimes it’s a matter of sharing my own personal experience and my own perspective.

Occasionally I’ll be sharing some of these interactions* here, for the benefit of others who may have similar questions.

Here’s one:

Question: I’ve been living with mental illness for a long time. I have worked very hard to be healthy, and I think I will always have to struggle hard against crippling depression. I know what the Bible says, but sometimes I feel like God has abandoned me. I won’t walk away from my faith, but why does life have to be so hard? Sometimes I doubt God loves me.

Answer: I can sense the tremendous pain behind your words. I’m so sorry for what you have gone through. I rejoice that God has brought you through such hardship, and I know that sometimes it’s hard to have that perspective for yourself. I also know that your survival did not come without a lot of hard work and hanging on to hope, and let me say I’m proud of you for pressing on.

The pain you experience does not mean God has abandoned you (Romans 8:35-38). It means you’re human and you’ve suffered–and your feelings have betrayed you at times. You have suffered in a way that most people don’t have to endure. And the good news is, God redeems our sufferings and has the ultimate remedy for them someday (2 Corinthians 5:1-5).

Please keep holding on to faith and hope in prayer and in Christ. I know that is not always easy, especially when you’re struggling with those very dark days. I hope you have someone to talk to, who knows what you’re going through and doesn’t judge you for it. Do you see a counselor? Have you considered working with a spiritual director? If not, I hope you’ll consider talking with someone who will walk alongside you and help you wrestle through this with God.

Also, here’s a Christian book I can recommend, written by a woman with bipolar disorder: Darkness Is My Only Companion

Are you familiar with Adrian Warnock? He’s a pastor at Jubilee Church in London and a trained psychiatrist. He blogs at Patheos.com, usually on other topics, but a couple of years ago he wrote a series on mental illness, which answers some questions and offers some hope. I think this article is the first in that series: Can a Christian Get Depressed?

And finally, I’ve written a host of other articles on this topic, some of which you might find encouraging or helpful. On my website, you can find a list with links. Scroll down below the video and the list of broadcast interviews. Here’s one you might find especially encouraging: When Mental Illness Comes Home.

I hope this is helpful and not overwhelming. I hope you will cling to the knowledge that God has never abandoned you and will not ever walk away from you. You have not let him down either. Your illness did not surprise or overwhelm him, and he is not disappointed in you. He loves you no matter what, and any message you hear or feel to the contrary is a lie. Please also know that while you may feel alone, you’re not the only person enduring this kind of trouble. There are others out there, and some of them feel alone as well. You may be able to find support with them. I’m sorry for your struggle and I will pray today that you will continue to be aware that the Lord is right alongside you. He loves you more than you can imagine.

*Questions have been modified to protect privacy.

- See more at: http://amysimpsononline.com/2015/02/qa-if-you-feel-god-has-abandoned-you/#sthash.U3QJSUxR.dpuf

Things Not to Say to A Depressed Loved One

From a good article by Michael Patton, who has experienced depression from both sides (as a sufferer and a counselor) - 7 Things NOT to Say to a Depressed Christian. Please read. Please understand, Please do not act this way or say these things to your depressed loved ones.

As many of you know, I’ve been depressed for almost five years now. I had a major break in March of 2010. It came out of nowhere and has been a frequent uninvited guest in my home ever since.

I won’t go into it now, but almost seven weeks ago I came out of the depression. I think I know the triggers. But I often tell people not to get too excited. I can never be sure which “me” is going to wake up tomorrow. Will it be joyful me? (who I love) He’s the one who sees life positively and has no time for worry (too busy serving God)? Or will it be broken me (who I hate)? He can’t dwell on anything but the bad and sees no hope in life (and doesn’t even act like there’s a God)?

But while I have my thoughts straight, I’ve been able to dwell on so many positive things. One of these is the subject of this post. I’ve accumulated a list of seven things depressed people (Christian’s especially) are told. They’re meant to help them out of their depression. I’ve even had these things said to me. But these things are wrong.
Please Note: None of these things necessarily come from evil intentions. These come from people who sincerely want you to recover. However, they do come from the evil flesh that dwells in all of us: judgmentalism. I hope this becomes clear as you read.

Further Reading: Dealing With My Depression #1: Muffling Its Voice

“Just Snap Out of It”

I don’t know how many times I said this to my depressed sister before she took her life. “Just snap out of it, Angie.” From my perspective, I thought you could. I thought that being depressed or happy was an act of the will. If you just make the right decision, you can think your way out of it. But more often than not, depression is not an act of the will. It is an interplay between the mind and the brain that you can’t snap out of. Don’t you think that people who are depressed would “Just snap out of it” if it were that easy? Remember, they don’t want to be depressed. It is the worst torture that one can possibly imagine.

“Think Positively”

Again, this might seem right. Please realize that most of the time a depressed person can’t think positively. That’s why they’re depressed. If I were to tell you there’s a giant elephant in your room, would you believe me? What if I said that all you have to do is close your eyes and trust it to be true? You’d probably say, “I can’t!”Telling someone who’s depressed to “think positively” completely misses the problem. They can’t think positively any more than you can believe there’s an elephant in the room. They don’t want to think negatively. They just can’t stop.

Further Reading: Depression – When We Want to Die

Read it all at the link.

Depressed Advice

If you have ever counselled a clinically depressed person to "just read your Bible and pray and you will be happy and well," please read this post by Brad Williams. If you have ever been told that advice, and felt guilty because it did not work for you, please read this post..

"When I Realized the Bible Cannot Cure Everything"

Sometimes you just need to take your medication first (and regularly)....and then read the Bible and pray.

A Year Of Grieving Dangerously

Read this. Please read this. From an interview with Kay Warren on the one year anniversary of the suicide death of her mentally ill son.

....I'm saying, "Don't push me to move on faster than I can go." In many ways you're forever changed. Jerry Sittser says in Grace Disguised, "It's really pointless to compare grief." When my father passed away six years ago at 86 with cancer, I grieved and I mourned and I wept, and it still touches my heart. On the other hand, my dad at 86 had lived a very full and rich life and had seen the fulfillment of his dreams and had a rich marriage.Image: Kay WarrenKay Warren and son Matthew.

I can tell you the experience of losing my 27-year-old, mentally ill son a year ago was not at all the same as losing my dad. He died young. He took his life, and he did it in a violent way. We are scarred. We have two decades of living with a severely mentally ill person that traumatized us. It's not clean grief. There's guilt. There's regret. There's horror.

The grief of my friend, whose daughter was murdered, has an aspect that's even different than mine. I haven't walked in her shoes. We're so quick to say, "Oh, I know how you feel," and we usually add the words exactly: "I know exactly how you feel." I want to say, "No. Excuse me. You do not." The best we can do is to say, "My heart breaks for you. I have experienced grief, and my heart aches for you....."

The Christian community needs to do better at helping people who grieve, and those with depression and other mental illnesses. Much more at the link.

Shiela's Story

Awesome story by Shiela Walsh (singer and former co-host of the 700 Club) on her struggle with depression.

Like most of you I am deeply saddened whenever I hear that a fellow believer has succumbed to suicide. For me, as for a few of you, it will always hit closer to home. My father took his life by drowning when he was thirty-four, leaving my mother with three young children and questions that no one on this earth could answer. I grew up struggling with depression, believing that no matter how fast I ran or how hard I worked, my father’s final choice would be mine as well. I understood so little about mental illness during those years. For many who take their lives, the element of choice isn’t there anymore. The darkness is too dark, the pain too deep to even begin to reason.

One day in the early fall of 1992 I simply couldn’t fight anymore. I was co-host of “The 700 Club with Dr. Pat Robertson” but on the inside I was falling apart. I stood at the edge of the ocean in Virginia Beach and all I wanted to do was to keep on walking until the waves were over my head. The only thing that stopped me was the thought of my mother receiving a call to tell her that once more she had lost someone she loved under the water. Instead I ended up in a psychiatric hospital for a month, diagnosed with severe clinical depression. For me, I felt as if I had gone to hell. I had been running from that place all my life. I had yet to understand that sometimes God will take you to a prison to set you free. In the ashes of my former life I discovered a life worth living, based on nothing I brought to the table, but on the fiery relentless love of God.

That was over twenty years ago and I am not cured but I am redeemed.

Thinking about Mental Illness

Frank Viola has a good article up about Christian responses to and attitudes about mental illness. In light of the Matthew Warren suicide last weekend, this topic is getting a lot of discussion - some of it with light, some with only a lot of heat.

I recommend Viola's article for your careful consideration. I think he is right on this topic.
 

More Links Worth A Look

Links worth a look:

The Rise of the Evangelicos (Time Magazine)

What Would Jesus Blog?

The Church is Talking about Mental Illness...But Are We Listening?

The Asphyxiation of Hope: Matthew Warren

Being Gay at Jerry Falwell's University

15 Characteristics of Today's Non-Churched Person

8 Ways to Ensure Your Kids Won't Hate Church