Eulogy Virtues

Two Sets of Virtues by Darryl Dash

"It occurred to me that there were two sets of virtues, the résumé virtues and the eulogy virtues. The résumé virtues are the skills you bring to the marketplace. The eulogy virtues are the ones that are talked about at your funeral — whether you were kind, brave, honest or faithful. Were you capable of deep love?" (David Brooks)

I’ll admit that I’m attracted to the résumé virtues. Who wouldn’t want to be known as a gifted communicator, a beloved pastor, a clear writer, and a successful church planter?

Then there are the eulogy virtues that will never make it onto a résumé. In fact, they may make my résumé less impressive: man of prayer, husband and father who made time for wife and kids, servant who didn’t chase limelight, good friend, man who cared.

A friend of mine was asked by a search committee what he desired if he came to their church. To his credit, he responded with a list that reflected mostly eulogy virtues. It would be great for the church to grow, but what he wanted most, he said, was to love the Lord more, to love his wife more, and so on. It wasn't the answer they expected.

The older I get, the more I recognize my desire for the résumé virtues, and the less I trust this desire. In the end, it’s the eulogy virtues that I really need. I’m praying instead for a character God can use rather than accomplishments others can admire.

Awaiting Heaven's Biscuits

Ten years ago today my grandmother, Norene Yeager Shirley, went to be with the Lord after 93 years on this earth. I'd give anything to be able to go back in time to hug her and tell her I love her. Wish I'd done that more often when I still had the chance. I'd live to just one more time be able to drive up the dirt road to the old farmhouse and see her standing on the porch with open arms welcoming me, with a lemon icebox pie waiting on the table ready to eat.

At the time of her death she was survived by 8 of her 9 children (two of them have since passed on) and by 29 grandchildren, 44 great-grandchildren and 2 great-great grandchildren. The number of her descendents has continued since then to grow exponentially! She left a tremendous inheritance of faith to her family. We all miss her and value her example and legacy.

Keep the biscuits warm in heaven's ovens, Mamma Shirley. We will be expecting a hot meal when we get there.

Mortality and Legacy

On the morning of Thanksgiving Day in 2009 Pastor Matt Chandler (Village Church, Highland Village, TX) fell to the floor with a seizure and awoke in the hospital to discover that he had brain cancer.

What does a young pastor facing possible iminent death think a bout his mortailty and legacy?  Here's Matt Chandler:- How Cancer Has Changed Me:

It’s made me think a lot more about my mortality. For example, if I die and The Village Church falls apart, do I care? I’ll be honest, I don’t. It seems to me that when you look at history, God raises up certain men for certain seasons in certain places. He pours out his Spirit on them, and when they’re done its very rare for God to continue the work that was done uniquely through him. If I die and The Village ends, I’m alright with that. If believers here find a place where the gospel is preached, and people are being saved, and the mission is being lived out, then I will not have failed.

If I’m going to die in two years, I started asking God what I should do. I put a lot of pressure on myself because in our culture there is the expectation that a ministry has to flourish even after you’re gone. That’s unfair, unhistoric, and maybe even unbiblical. Realizing that took a lot of pressure off of me. I had peace to just faithfully do what I’ve been doing here since day one. Then just let go and see what the Lord does with it.

 Here are some related comments ( not about Chandler, but the general topic of "legacy") from Darryl Dash:

No matter how many people we pastor, our leadership and influence is temporary. We will be forgotten. Even those who rise from obscurity to become leading leaders, so to speak, will be passed over more quickly than we think.

.......I thought of a conference blurb I read. Most blurbs are easily forgotten, but this one stuck. It announced the conference lineup, including this description of one of the speakers (Daniel Montgomery):

Daniel, the senior pastor of Sojourn Community Church in Louisville, Kentucky, says his vision statement is, ”Preach the gospel, die, and be forgotten.”

I love that. That may be the best vision statement for a pastor I’ve read. Don’t aspire to rise from obscurity; aspire to attain obscurity, but preach the gospel in the meantime. That’s the type of pastor we need.

Strange Obituary

According to Snopes.Com the Dolores Aguilar Obituary is for real. It appeared August 16 and 17, 2008 in the Vallejo California Times-Herald.

Dolores Aguilar 1929 - Aug. 7, 2008

Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on August 7, 2008. She will be met in the afterlife by her husband, Raymond, her son, Paul Jr., and daughter, Ruby. She is survived by her daughters Marietta, Mitzi, Stella, Beatrice, Virginia and Ramona, and son Billy;..... I apologize if I missed anyone.

Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and there will be no lamenting over her passing. Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of those times too. But I truly believe at the end of the day ALL of us will really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself.

As for the rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing and learning to be a family again. There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So I say here for all of us, GOOD BYE, MOM.

Imagine being remembered like this! Lord, help me to so love my wife, kids, other family and friends so that when I am gone they will remember love, forgiveness and a testimony of God's grace and mercy.

Hat Tip: Tim Chailles