Seven Promises

7 Gospel Promises To Embrace Today by Paul Tripp

You may have heard me say this before, but it's worth repeating again: I'm deeply persuaded that many Christians, myself included, have a big gap in the middle of our gospel theology.

Let me break it down and then apply it in a fresh way:

I think we have a strong understanding of the theology of gospel past - meaning, we trust deeply in the historical sacrifice of Jesus which paid the penalty for our sins.

I also think that we have a strong understanding of the theology of gospel future - meaning, we trust eagerly in the eternal promise of heaven that's coming.

But there's something missing in the middle. We either don't understand, or fail to embrace, the theology of the "now-ism" of the gospel. In other words, we don't take full advantage of all the benefits of the work of Christ today.

In this post, I want to briefly outline 7 gospel promises that are offered to us right here, right now. It's my hope that you would save this link or print off the post and come back to these promises regularly!

1. The Gospel Promises Forgiveness Today

Even though we believe in the sacrifice of Jesus, we don't fully embrace his forgiveness today. Many of us carry around our sins in a metaphorical backpack of regret, bruising our spiritual shoulders and breaking the back of our faith.

Jesus took the weight of our sin on himself so that we wouldn't have to carry it any longer. He says that he will remember our sins no more, but will separate us from those sins as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12).

What freedom is found here! It makes no sense for a believer to live imprisoned by fear, paralyzed by regret, in the darkness of guilt and shame when complete forgiveness has been offered to us.

2. The Gospel Promises Deliverance Today

Christ came not only to forgive our sins, but to deliver us from them. On the Cross, he broke the power of sin's mastery over us (see Romans 6:1–14). That means we don't have to give in any longer to sins that used to dominate us.

Your life should look progressively different after you come to Christ. Addictions can be broken. We can speak in a new way. We don't have to be so angry all the time. It will take effort, and you'll need to surround yourself with resources from the body of Christ to help, but the gospel won't settle for anything less than heart and life transformation.

3. The Gospel Promises Power Today

If the gospel promises deliverance, it must also promise power to deliver. As the Lord said to Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9). In ourselves we have no power and can do no good thing, but the Lord doesn't abandon us there.

Identity In Achievement

From Identity in Achievement by Paul David Trip

....Because we're human beings with souls, we naturally need to find identity somewhere, in something, or in someone. So, when we forget that our identity is found "in Christ", we're going to default to a substitute identity.

Today I want to write about a very common replacement: identity in achievement.
God calls us to be effective and productive, so we ought to be concerned about our harvest and the return on our investments. Success is a biblical concept, and God wants us to do great things for his kingdom. But, the minute we take on our achievements as an identity, dangerous things happen.

In my experience pastoring and counseling, there are three types of people who fall victim to finding identity in their achievement:

1. Over Achiever

Do you get a deep sense of personal fulfillment when you get the next "notch" in your belt at work? Do you find it hard to slow down and say no to opportunities where you know you'll impress? Do you get irritated and angered when someone or something interferes with what you're trying to accomplish?

It's a God-honoring thing to work hard, but because of our wandering hearts, it's easy to lose sight of God and biblical priorities in the midst of our pursuit of personal achievement and success. Your identity in life is found in what Christ did for you on Calvary, not in what you can do for yourself or for God.

2. Under Achiever

Do feel as if you haven't accomplished what you want to accomplish in life? Are younger people taking on more responsibility at work? Are you aware of how much success your friends and peers are having while you seem to enjoy very little?
When we put our identity in achievement, and then fail to have success, we become discouraged, depressed, and bitter, not only towards others, but often towards God as well. Your identity in life is found in what Christ accomplished on the Cross, not in how much you can accomplish on earth.

3. Regretful Achiever

Do you look back on your life with great remorse, seeing how much achievement and success drove you? Do you see evidence of broken relationships as a result of your pursuit and wish you could rewind the clock and do it all over again?

Listen: your identity is found in the perfect life of Christ, not in the mistake-riddled life you look back on with grief. Christ, without regret, went to the Cross to cover all the regrets you would have in the future. And, God's timing is always perfect. Instead of dwelling on the past, allow God to redeem however much of your future you have left on this earth, for his glory and your good.

So, if I haven't said it enough, achievement is a very dangerous place to find identity. You will disappoint yourself, others will disappoint you, and your list of successes won't satisfy the craving of your soul. Only the person and work of the Lord Jesus Christ will.

Faith Defined

The Basics of Christianity by Paul Tripp:

If you had to define your faith with one sentence, what would your definition include?

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines faith as a "strong belief or trust in someone or something." The Bible defines faith as "the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1)

Isn't it interesting how both of those definitions don't reference God in their initial description of what faith is or what faith does?

Now, ultimately, both of those sources end up associating faith with a belief in God. In its secondary definition, Merriam-Webster explains that faith is a "belief in the existence of God [or] strong religious feelings." Hebrews 11 goes on to reference God multiple times in the Bible's famous chapter on faith.

But here's the point I'm trying to make – every human being lives by faith, with or without God.

Christians believe, by faith, that there is a God and that eternity exists. Simultaneously, those who deny the existence of God and the reality of eternity do so by faith, too. Two totally contradicting messages, both derived from faith.

You may know atheists and agnostics, but you've never met a "faithless" person in your life. Every human being lives by a set of convictions and with a mentality of hope, despite a lack of factual and tangible evidence.

Regardless of religion profession, we all interpret what we see through the vehicle of the "unseen." It's impossible to exist in this life without faith of some capacity and variety.

THE BASICS OF CHRISTIANITY

If every person lives by faith, what makes the Christian unique? Here it is: Christians are different, not because they live by faith, but because of the object of their faith.

Naturally, the next question becomes: who is the object of the Christian faith? The answer, of course, is God. Christians live by faith in the existence of God. But what does that mean, and what does that look like?

With this Article, I'm going to try to define the basics of the Christian faith with one sentence. I’m going to leave Hebrews 11, the quintessential definition of Biblical faith, and use Scripture to interpret Scripture. My definition comes from Acts 17:22-31, when the Apostle Paul addresses the Areopagus.

So, fasten your seat belts - here's my sentence-long definition: true, biblical faith believes in the existence of God as Creator, Sovereign, and Savior, and results in a lifestyle of worshipful obedience, confident peace, and humble repentance.

Let me break down those six elements for you:

Creator / Worshipful Obedience

"The God who made the world and everything in it…" (v. 24)

Our world operates under a very simple organizational chart - God is Creator, and we are creatures. That means we belong to God, and whatever created things we've been given also belong to him. We don't get to define how life operates, because he designed life from the beginning!

True, biblical faith believes that God is Creator, so true, biblical faith never allows us to take life in our own hands. Faith won't allow us to treat people and possessions as if they belong to us. Faith won't allow us to believe we're smarter than God. True, biblical faith recognizes the organizational structure of the universe and allows us to obediently rest within God's wise boundaries as his creatures.

No More Than...

HT: Paul Trip

Turn From Shadow Glories

“There really is no place for Christ in many people’s Christianity. Their faith is not actually in Christ; it is in Christianity and their ability to live it out. This kind of ‘Christianity’ is really about shadow glories of human knowledge and performance. It does not require the death to self that must always happen if love for Christ is going to reign in our hearts. 

— Paul David Tripp. A Quest for More
(Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2007), 106

HT: Of First Importance

Accepted

,

HT: Crossway Books

Kingdom Center

"In the center of the kingdom of God, you do not find a gargantuan palace inhabited by an unapproachable king. No, in the center of the kingdom of God is a bloody cross, on which hung a broken King, who welcomes us as we are."

— Paul David Tripp, A Quest for More (Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2007), page 158

HT Of First Importance

Basis For Identity

Paul Tripp on Who You Really Are - Great stuff!

Dehydrated

Paul Tripp on Spiritual Dehydration:

There are some verses that I wish weren't on the pages of my Bible. I do believe that all Scripture is breathed out by God, inerrant and sufficient, but that doesn't mean I can't wrestle with some of the words that are written.

Take Psalm 42, for instance. "As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God." (Psalm 42:1-2)

I wish those two sentences weren't in the Bible. Why? Because the Lord authored those verses knowing in advance that his children would experience spiritual dehydration.I wish that I was never parched. I wish that when I met Christ, my soul would overflow with passion and energy forever. After all, Jesus said "whoever drinks of the water that I give him will never be thirsty again" (John 4:14). So why do I experience periods in my life of faith when I feel dehydrated?

If you've been a Christian for longer than a week, you should know that your experience is filled with bumps and bruises. In some cases, you'll feel as if you have nothing left. That's what Psalm 42 depicts: a deer desperate for a drink of water, even from a muddy puddle, because it can’t continue without refreshment.

Have you ever been there in your walk with God - lost, dehydrated, and wanting to give up? There are many things I could say about spiritual dehydration, but I’ll only give you two main points for this week.

First, your conversion provides no guarantee of the absence of spiritual dehydration. In fact, the Bible almost assures that your life will be filled with suffering. Some of the earliest disciples needed their soul strengthened and encouraged because they were facing many tribulations (Acts 14:22).

Second, Jesus experienced dehydration just like you. Jesus' words of "I thirst" (John 19:28) are popular, but perhaps one of the most transparent moments of his earthly ministry came when he said, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26:39)

There was a time when even Christ didn’t want to take one more step. But as the God-Man, he did what you and I couldn’t do: he continued on his own strength. Christ took all the steps necessary to Calvary so that when you and I have nothing left, we can rely on him for our strength.

If you’re experiencing spiritual dehydration, don’t be surprised - it’s part of the Christian life. And when you do experience debilitating spiritual weakness, rely on your Savior, who took the steps for you. His power is made perfect in your weakness.

Suffering For Others

Read more at Paul Tripp's post on  Ministry in Suffering

Captivation of the Heart

A good word from Paul Tripp:

This week I want to write to you about a word I think is poorly used and misunderstood in modern Christianity. It’s the word worship.

When we talk about worship, here’s what typically comes to mind – a Sunday morning gathering where we dress up, sing songs, give money, and take notes during a sermon.

There’s much to gain from that type of setting; I refer to it as ‘corporate worship’ and think it’s very necessary for the Christian life to be filled with gatherings, songs, and teaching. But, the Bible would define worship in a deeper way, one that happens more than just weekly in an organized environment.

Worship, according to Scripture, is an ongoing captivation of the heart that overflows into your life to produce desire, word, and deed. Everybody worships all the time. The question is: who, or what, is your heart captivated by that results in specific desire, word, and deed?Now, listen to what David says in Psalm 4:5 - "Offer right sacrifices, and put your trust in the Lord." David's heart is clearly captivated by God. We don't know specifically what sacrifices David will make or how he will practically put his trust in the Lord, but we know where his heart is - captivated by his heavenly Father.

Context is key in this Psalm. Remember, David isn't experiencing blessing and prosperity; David is facing terrible hardship and suffering. Yet, in the midst of his situation, his heart is still captivated by the things of God.

How often is that untrue of us? I'll be honest - my heart is quickly captivated by other things when trial comes my way. Conversely, my heart feels more captivated by God when I experience his blessing. It's what I call 'conditional worship' - as long as God is good to me, I'll be captivated by him. What a mess!

David shows us that we can experience trial and still be deeply captivated by God. In fact, I think worship is rarely sweeter and more heartfelt than in times of trial, because when suffering enters your door, God is often in the process of removing physical treasures that compete with himself for the captivation of your heart.

Could it be that the trial you're experiencing is meant by God to produce a deeper worship in you than ever before? There's nothing in this world that can satisfy your soul like Jesus, so the most loving thing your Savior could do is take away those things that provide false hope.

An Invitation to A Wonderful Gift

Bible Study Struggles by Paul Tripp:

I have a confession to make. It’s embarrassing and humbling, but I’m willing to make it publicly: I’m not always excited about reading and studying the Bible.

I go through periods of what I would call spiritual boredom, when the “old, old story” just isn’t very exciting to me. On my worst days, reading God’s Word feels burdensome to me, and my heart is motivated more by duty than worshipful joy.

When I hit these periods, there are 3 things I require myself to remember:

1. I Remember God’s Grace

One of my favorite passages in all of Scripture is Isaiah 55 – I’ve written about ithere and here. This chapter gives us visual picture after visual picture of God’s amazing grace, and because it does, it’s not surprising that the crescendo of this chapter is a visual picture of what the Bible is able to do in us and for us.

You’ll never find joy in Bible study until you understand that reading God’s Word is not first a call to duty, but an invitation to receive a wonderful gift. Your Bible is a gift of God’s grace that’s able to do what no other gift can do—change your heart and your life. Scripture really does have to power to turn thorn bushes into cypress trees!

2. I Remember Jesus

Reading God’s Word is much more than reading dusty, abstract theology, becoming familiar with ancient religious stories, or getting principles for daily living. You’ll never have joy in your Bible study unless you understand that it’s God’s invitation for you to commune with his Son, the Lord Jesus Christ.

In John 5, Jesus’ claims are questioned by people who are purported to be experts in Scripture. Christ says, “You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me” (John 5:39).

Open your Bible and what do you encounter? Not a thing, but a Person, and His name is Jesus. Reading and meditating on your Bible is God’s means of welcoming you into daily fellowship with your Brother, Friend, Savior and King—Jesus.

3. I Remember To Remember

I’m so prone to forget God, forget his grace, forget my identity as his child, forget that he supplies all that I need, forget his unstoppable sovereign plan, and forget his eternal kingdom. When I forget God, I tend to put myself in his position and make my life all about me: my will, my feeling, my plan, my wants, and my needs.

Putting myself in God’s position always leads to spiritual dissatisfaction because the world was not created to do my bidding. So I need to be reminded every day of God’s awesome glory, his gracious presence in my life, and my special identity as his child. His Word was given so that day after day I would remember.

So, tomorrow, when you don’t feel like opening your Bible, remember God’s grace, remember your friend and brother, Jesus, and remember how quickly you forget. Pick God’s Word up not with the burden of guilt or as a call to duty, but because it’s a gift given to you by a God of amazingly tender mercy and grace.

Extreme Demand

Self or God, world or heaven- He limits us to one or the other. Why so exclusive? Read "The Exclusivity of Treasure Pursuit "from Paul Tripp

The Bible is an extreme book.

Let me rephrase that: for human beings with a selfish heart and a finite understanding, the Bible can be an extreme book. The Bible isn?t extreme for God; He wrote it! But because we interpret life through a corrupt and limited lens, the principles and commands in the Bible can come across as extreme.

"The Exclusivity of Treasure Pursuit" Principle

One principle that really highlights this extreme nature of the Bible is found in Matthew 6:24 "No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money." (ESV)

It doesn't need any summary, but let me condense what Jesus is saying: it's spiritually impossible to pursue the Kingdom of God and the kingdom of self simultaneously.

You and I don?t want to agree. We want to believe that our spiritual reality isn?t as extreme, or exclusive, as Jesus declares. There has to be a way, we argue, by which we simultaneously serve God and money.

Two Arguments Against Exclusivity

I want to highlight two reasons why we argue against "The Exclusivity of Treasure Pursuit" Principle:

1. We Love Our Pleasure

Let?s be honest: there are moments when we simply don?t care about the Kingdom of God. We choose the pursuit of personal pleasure over the pursuit of personal holiness.

When we feel the convicting grace of the Holy Spirit, we really do want to love the Lord, but we don?t want to be exclusive. In other words, we want glorify God on our own terms, where we get to define what we give up and what we keep.

If we incorrectly convince ourselves that it?s possible to serve both God and money, we?ll believe that we can love the Lord fully without sacrificing the earthly pleasures that we?re addicted to.

2. We Love Our Righteousness

I don?t think any informed Christian would claim they don't need grace, but we all subtly believe that our good works are enough to please God.

That?s why "The Exclusivity of Treasure Pursuit" Principle is bad news for our inner Pharisee. Christ has raised the standard of righteousness to an unattainable extreme, and there's no way we can please God without the grace of Jesus.

But if we incorrectly convince ourselves that it's possible to serve two masters, we'll believe that we have a chance at pleasing God with our independent righteousness. We?ll take pride in thinking that we don?t need grace as much as the next person. 

Hopefully Hopeless

Let me encourage you with the extreme nature of Gospel: you have no independent ability to choose God over money. If you were given the choice, without the assistance of grace, to serve one master, you would serve the money master 100% of the time.

Why should you be encouraged by that statistic? Because the God who is speaking these words is speaking these words on earth. He left Heaven and came to earth to die for addicted and self-righteous sinners. You and I can be completely hopeless in ourselves while we're completely hopeful in Christ.

Only grace can make your heart choose the pleasure of God over the pleasure of the created world. Only grace can make you humble enough to admit your need for more grace.

Be encouraged: grace is available. He lives inside your heart at this moment.

No Need To Hide

Ouch!

From PaulTripp.com

Refining Fire

From "Mining & Refining" by Paul Tripp:

...Why do we experience painful suffering and burdensome trials? Why do we face unexpected complications and uninvited delays? Because God is in the process of refining His children that He has mined from the mass of humanity.

You see, God's "boiling process" or "refining fire" (Malachi 3:2) is always for our benefit. It will often be painful, but think again about the metallurgy example: a refining process is always meant to produce the highest level of beauty and strength. If you want your best life now, it will be achieved through the process of refinement.

John Piper says it this way: "He is a refiner's fire, and that makes all the difference. A refiner's fire does not destroy indiscriminately like a forest fire. A refiner's fire does not consume completely like the fire of an incinerator. A refiner's fire refines. It purifies. It melts down the bar of silver or gold, separates out the impurities that ruin its value, burns them up, and leaves the silver and gold intact."

THE GOSPEL OF REFINEMENT

During these moments of refinement, you will be tempted to believe two anti-gospels:

1. These moments of refinement are signs of God's unfaithfulness and inattention. Incorrect! The gospel tells you that refinement is the sure sign of God's presence and love in your life!

1. God's love is shown to me by giving me whatever I want, whenever I want it.False! If you were wise, you wouldn't want all the things your sinful heart desires, and, God's love will actually remove those things for your benefit.

So, friends, when these trials and grievances come your way, preach the gospel to yourself and to others. God could not love you and be satisfied with leaving you as a piece of ore. You have so much potential in Christ, and the Lord will refine you so you can reach your highest level of strength and beauty!

Our Dissatisfied Messiah

"The One on whom we wait is a dissatisfied Messiah. He will not relent, he will not quit, he will not rest until ever promise he has made been fully delivered. He will not turn from his work until every one of his children has been totally transformed. He will continue to fight until the last enemy is under his feet. He will reign until his kingdom has fully come. As long as sin exists, he will shower us with forgiving, empowering, and delivering grace.

He will defend us against attack and attack the enemy on our behalf. He will be faithful to convict, rebuke, encourage, and comfort. He will continue to open the warehouse of his wisdom and unfold for us the glorious mysteries of his truth. He will stand with us through the darkness and the light. He will guide us on a path we could never have discovered or would never have been wise enough to choose. He will supply for us every good thing that we need to be what he’s called us to be and to do what he’s called us to do in the place where he’s put us.

And he will not rest from his work until every last microbe of sin has been completely eradicated from every heart of each of his children!"

            — Paul David Tripp,  "Psalm 27: Inner Strength"

Elusive Satisfaction

Continuing the theme from yesterday's post, here's a great piece by Paul Tripp on Satisfaction

In an age of so much, why do we act as if we have so little? Why is satisfaction so elusive? Why do we struggle to be content?

I want to examine the first seven verses from Isaiah 55 and study this thing called satisfaction. I think there are 4 helpful principles that we can extract:

1. EVERYONE IS HUNGRY & THIRSTY

This passage opens with, "Come, everyone who thirsts..." (55:1). Isaiah never writes that only a particular group of people are seeking satisfaction. Every person who has ever drawn breath has sought satisfaction.

In His divine wisdom, God built spiritual hunger and spiritual thirst into the heart of every human being. Everyone is seeking fulfillment, hope, and meaning and purpose. Whether they know it or not, there's a void in their soul that can only be filled by God.

This hunger and thirst for satisfaction is both a grace and a danger. It's a grace, because we can hunger and thirst for God, but at the same time, we'll chase after dangerous things, hoping they'll satisfy the twisted desires of our heart.

Here's what you need to understand: everyday you'll wake up hungry and thirsty, and everyday, you'll chase after something in the hopes of satisfaction. What are you chasing? Be honest and don't be too quick to say, "I chase after Jesus."

2. CREATION DOESN'T SATISFY

The passage continues with, "Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food." (55:2).

Isaiah makes it clear that there are two contrasting substances available: those which satisfy the soul and those which don't. We know from Scripture that the creation fails to satisfy the soul, but from the beginning of time, we've bought the lie that somehow we can find life outside of God.

Maybe it's an achievement. Maybe it's a possession or collection of possessions. Maybe it's a relationship. Maybe it's an experience. Here's a helpful diagnostic: ask yourself, "If only I had ________, then I would be happy." What created thing occupies that blank space?

3. ONLY JESUS SATISFIES

The Book of Power

Paul Tripp on the benefits of reading the Bible:

In this Article, I want to look at Isaiah 55:8-13 and encourage you to read the Bible for three powerful reasons:

1. The Bible Has Revealing Power

From the beginning of time, there has been an immeasurable distance between the mind of God and the comprehension of humans. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:9)Even in a sinless world, Adam and Eve were completely dependent on God for revelation. They didn't come into existence knowing what life was about. They didn't know who God was or why they were created. As soon as Adam took a breath, God started telling him all the important things he needed to know.

We're no different than Adam and Eve, except that they received revelation while walking and talking with the Creator. Today, we receive our revelation through the Bible. It's where we need to go to discover who God is and why we were created.You need to read the Bible because you're a human being. You simply don't have the capacity to understand life without divine help. Without God's Word, your existence won't make any sense.

2. The Bible Has Exposing Power

If Adam and Eve needed God's Word in a perfect world, how much more do we need it with our sin-infested hearts? You see, you'll never have a completely pure motivation in your life; every aspect of your personhood has been corrupted.

We need the Word of God to help us know what is good and true because it doesn't come naturally: "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord." (Isaiah 55:8).

You need to read the Bible because you're a sinner. You simply don't have the ability to move through life with a clean heart. Without God's Word, you don't have what it takes to live righteously.

3.The Bible Has Transforming Power

The ultimate purpose of the Word of God is worship. We were designed to worship the Creator, but sin now captures our heart and we worship the creation instead (Romans 1:25). Only the Word of God can take us from one side to the other.

Isaiah 55 talks about this transformation using a bizarre metaphor: "Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress; instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle; and it shall make a name for the Lord, an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off." (Isaiah 55:13)You don't need to be an expert botanist to know that rain gives growth to whatever already exists. So in this metaphor, the rain should create a bigger thorn bush, not a cypress tree. But the Word of God has transforming power.

The Bible has the unparalleled ability to grip us at our roots - our sinful, creation-worshiping heart - and transform us into an entirely different person.

You need to read the Bible to experience change. You simply can't experience spiritual growth on your own. Without God's Word, you're going to remain a prickly thorn bush.

Getting Unstuck

Paul Tripp on getting a stuck relationship "unstuck." 

I've spent thousands of hours in counseling sessions with people who are stuck in relationships. It wasn't always a husband and wife in a marriage gone bad; any two people in any type of relationship can find themselves stuck.

Are you in a relationship that has lost its passion? I'm not just talking about marital romance. A parent and child who once adored each other can now live in hostile tension. Two siblings who loved each other growing up can now be separated by anger. Co-workers or neighbors who used to get along so easily can now find it hard to have an argument-free conversation.
I would assume that everyone reading this Article can identify at least one relationship that isn't as joyful as it could be. But, if you have a good history with relationships, don't skip over this material. God can use you as an instrument of reconciliation between others.

To begin, let's look at 10 typical signs of a relationship gone bad:

1. Do you struggle to be intimate with the other person? (Don't just apply this to the sexual life of a husband and wife; intimacy can be defined as "closeness")
2. Do you struggle - or are you afraid - to talk about important subjects with the other person?
3. Do you use words as weapons to hurt and tear down instead of using words to build up and give grace? (Ephesians 4:29)
4. Do you spend more time criticizing the behavior of the other person than you do reflecting on the motives of your own heart?
5. Do you continually struggle to solve problems and resolve conflict?
6. Do you ever wish - even just for a moment - that you had never met (or had) the other person in the relationship?
7. Do you struggle to serve the other person, or, have you lost the joy you once had in serving that person?
8. Do you find yourself angrily replaying the conversations and interactions you had with the other person?
9. Do you try to make yourself busy so you don't have to interact with the other person? (In other words, do you look for excuses that allow you to avoid them)
10. As a whole, would you say that the quality of your relationship is worse now than it was ____ months/years ago?

SIX STEPS

Every relationship is going to experience conflict. After all, you - a sinner - are living with other sinners in a fallen world. It's bound to be messy!

So, I want to introduce you to a 6-step biblical process for changing a relationship. Before I tell you the steps, you need to know three things about this process:

1. The order of these steps is crucial to the process of change
2. Don't move on to the next step until the current work is complete
3. Change is a process, not an event. This process could take months - even years. Don't rush it.

Here we go:

1. Confession & Forgiveness

If change is ever going to take place, it has to begin with an honest confession of wrongs done, followed by an honest and humble granting of forgiveness. If you're refusing to admit you wronged the other person, and/or refusing to let their wrongs go, you won't get unstuck.

2. Trusting & Entrusting

Now that the past has been dealt with, we need to deal with the present. You need to do everything you can to become a trustworthy person. And then, you need to be willing to be vulnerable. Entrust yourself to the other person, knowing that they're still imperfect people.